Dateline: Luanda, 2 June 2004
Some of you will know that President Aristide from Haiti is arriving in South Africa soon for an extended holiday. You may also know that 70 so-called mercenaries are being held in Zimbabwe on all sorts of trumped-up charges. The main charge is that they were on their way to Equatorial Guinea (A Pariah state without a Shoprite store), to instigate a coup de tat. Our dear President Aristide will have all the comforts of home while our “mercenaries” will be enjoying the cool comforts of prison. As you will see, there is no doubt where the SA government’s priorities lie.
President Nguema of Equatorial Guinea must be one of the most repressive and corrupt leaders in Africa. He controls one of the richest oilfields in Africa and spends little of this on alleviating the plight of his poor people. He does not permit newspapers or magazines in his country (where does he get his Playboy from?), and he is not averse to executing detractors, including his cousin (or was it his uncle?) I’m sure Nguema won’t mind the slip as he would probably like to have both trussed up in his notorious prisons.
This man should be aware that his time will come and it is no surprise that outside powers may want to depose him. However, there is no proof that the 70 prisoners held at Chikuruba prison in Zimbabwe were intent on deposing His Grand Majesty of Equatorial Guinea. In fact none of these men could have cared less about the fate of the Grand Master of E.G.
Just after the so-called mercenaries’ arrest the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Dr Nkosasana Zuma, said that South Africa could not be held responsible for a bunch of criminals. She intimated that no assistance would be accorded to the men (who were from South Africa, Angola and Namibia).
Dr Zuma must be incredibly naïve to make such statements. After all, nothing has been proved. South Africans must feel very warm and protected when they work in other countries—knowing that they have Dr Zuma on their side. Imagine being locked up in Sierra Leone for a traffic offence—don’t count on the good doctor to bail you out! When you’re sitting in one of the notorious Luanda prisons eating cassava porridge three times a day because you drove the wrong way up a one-way street, don’t call her excellency—she has more important things to do. If you’re kidnapped in Libya and held hostage at an oasis without a MacDonalds, don’t call Dr Z. She’s too busy with Mr Aristide’s arrangements.
In fact all this pre-trial condemnation by ministers and their foolish spokesmen makes you wish you had a British passport. If you had one of those and you were about to be gang-raped by a bunch of Abu Ghraib’s good guys, you could dial up Jack Straw and he’d be there in a wink. Now that’s embassy aid.
What if you were Italian? You’d be released in seconds. Every burly guard in sight would cringe upon being assailed by an angry Italian spewing Roman curses at a hundred miles an hour. Don’t even think of the Japanese.
So, Dr Zuma, (an African comrade if ever there was one), is Judge, jury and defence as well. Sorry guys. She should know better. After all, she is number two—or three (sorry about that, Doc. Do you have anything for piles?).
The point of this discussion is that nothing has been proved and that these men are victims of a scam. I personally believe (with informed input), that these men were set up by a greedy Zimbabwean General who wanted his cake and his political life intact. He reneged on a deal so got away with $100 000 and still has his AK 47s. Men like these are perfect examples of the corruption which is rife in Africa. Dr Zuma herself is not corrupt- (sorry about that too),--just too quick to jump the gun (oops!).
I end this short diatribe by quoting Patrick Laurence, a contributing editor to the Johannesburg “Star” newspaper: “One can only hope that the government will respond with the same positive generosity (to Senhor Aristide), to the pleas for help from the relatives of nearly 80 South African Nationals (sic) detained in Zimbabwe and Equatorial Guinea.”
Yes, well, um, okay.
I do love South Africa, but honestly, what is going on here? Is the Beloved Country going to embarrass itself again?