I wrote this short play for the Aussies, Brits and South Africans among us. There are Americans who may appreciate it but I do sympathise with them: they do not play the "Glorious game".
Scene: The Oval
Players: Two umpires.
Umpire 1: This is a cricket ball.
Umpire 2: Yes, funny enough it is.
Umpire 1: It has been scratched.
Umpire 2: Yes, yes it has.
Umpire 1: This looks fishy.
Umpire 2: Yes, could have been a fish hook.
Umpire 1: This is serious. These blokes could have fiddled here for a reverse swinger.
Umpire 2: Nah, scratched by nails. Someone didn't cut his nails.
Umpire 1: That's not on. Some bugger has fiddled with this ball.
Umpire 2: Sure it's not that serious. I mean this is International, this is top stuff.
Umpire 1: You don't understand-- this ball is no good.
Umpire 2: Well, that's solved then. We get a new one.
Umpire 1: It's not as simple as that. These bastards are fiddling with the ball.
Umpire 2: Steady on. This is very easy to solve. We get a new ball. It's International. call for a new ball.
Umpire 1: It's not that simple. This ball is a perfect example of cheating.
Umpire 2: Simple really. We're International. Allegations won't work. New ball sorts it out.
Umpire 1: It can't, It cant.....................................
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