Dear Thabo,
I am sorry I was unable to meet you at the Commonwealth Conference. Blair and that swine Clark would not let me attend. I assure you they will pay in blood for that snub. It is people like Blair who give Africa a bad name. That Jingo is so full of himself after becoming friendly with Bush. In fact, I have banned all British and American products from Zimbabwe (including Marmite and Mc Donalds), and I have issued a decree that no Mars bars will be sold anywhere.
Our farming has gone well this year and I am pleased to report that 3 tons of Maize will be exported. That is along with 500 pumpkins and 14 tons of tobacco. As you know tobacco is our mainstay but after the white farmers abandoned us production has dropped. Gunston cigarettes are in short supply. You will be elated that my "clean-up" project has worked so well. Where there were scrappy homes now there is beautiful, unscarred veld. Good for conservation, yes?
Thabo, I am incredibly excited about our new banknote. It is worth 100 000 dollars and it will open up wide horizons. This note will be collected all over the World and will add to our revenue. The jingos are wrong to say that this note will buy a meat pie and a Coke. It will actually buy a meat pie and two Cokes! So there. It proves again that the media always get it wrong. Our new note is unique to our fair, pleasant country and I can tell you that if it runs out we shall print more. HaHa, that will get them talking.
Mrs M. phoned from Paris yesterday and said she wanted to buy some Chanel perfume. I told her she was crazy to spend money on Chanel when she can buy Paco Rabanne for a hundred dollars less. She sends her regards--she is in Marrakech.
To the point. Thabo, I was given these Chinese Jetliners (X-something) but our tourists will not fly in them. So, I have ordered Russian jets from Comrade Putin (very good discount), so, do you think that could be a good deal? Apropos this could you see yourself lending me 5 million dollars to pay for them? I shall pay you back with the proceeds of our next tobacco crop. Looking good this season.
I assure you of my undying love for Africa, Comrade, and hope you will help our poor country ( pushed into poverty by Blair, Bush and every other Jingo who does not understand the liberated Africa.
Sincerely,
Robert.